Dark Days
by MarauderLover7
Summary: "The whole point of this war is to fight Voldemort! You've said a thousand times that he's winning if we let him interfere with our lives and make us suspicious of each other, but it looks a bloody lot to me like that's exactly what's happening!"
1. Hiding

"James?"

"Lily?" James called through their open bedroom door. He was in their room, sorting through the last of the boxes. After the destruction of Potter Manor, which James, Lily and Harry had narrowly escaped thanks to a spontaneous visit to Sirius' flat, they'd moved into an unused teachers' room at Hogwarts. While Dumbledore'd been happy to let them stay, and insisted it was the safest place for them, they'd been going mad cooped up in their one little room - they'd only ever left to go to work or to do Order things. Even food had been brought up by the house elves.

Harry wasn't getting any smaller and they'd needed the extra space, and a change of scene, and so, two weeks ago, Lily had put her foot down. Remus and Sirius had found them a two storey cottage in Godric's Hollow and with Dumbledore's help, they'd put up all sorts of wards and alarm spells and protective charms. Once it was deemed safe enough, James, Lily and Harry had moved in – very quietly, so as not to draw attention to the place. While they were still in hiding, they weren't going to let fear of Voldemort keep them in Hogwarts anymore.

Lily's voice drifted up the stairs again but James was too busy shifting their old school textbooks – Merlin knew why they still had these, three years later – to hear what's she'd said.

"Aha!" James said, pulling his invisibility cloak out of the box.

"Is that a yes?"

"What?" James tossed it over his shoulder and strode out onto the landing.

A quick glance into the second bedroom – which they'd fitted with two bunk beds, so Sirius, Remus and Peter could stay over eventually (and James could fit in the room with them when they did) – showed him that Sirius was gone – probably downstairs. He'd insisted on arranging the Marauders' room, since he was the one who'd probably spend the most time in there.

Eventually, anyway; they hadn't been allowed visitors– Dumbledore's orders, since they were still trying not to draw attention to the cottage – but Sirius and James had never let rules stop them before. They'd missed each other – the mirrors were good, but not the same as spending time together in person – so Sirius had Flooed over about an hour ago. They both thought it was safe enough, since no one could have seen him come.

"Lils?" She was leaning on the banister at the bottom of the stairs and rolled her eyes when she spotted him.

"That's a no," she said.

"What's a no?" he asked, hopping down the stairs. He planted a kiss on the top of his wife's head and her arms wrapped around his waist. "You smell like Cleaning Charms."

"I've just done the bathroom," she said, gesturing down the hall. "And I asked if Harry was with you." James shook his head and Lily's forehead creased.

"Padfoot?" James called, before she started to worry too much; Sirius and Harry gravitated toward each other naturally – possibly even more than Sirius and James. Harry was probably safe, with Sirius. "Paddy?" Lily pulled away when his second call went unanswered and James let her go. They exchanged a glance and pulled out their wands.

James crept over to the doorway that looked into the sitting room – Lily was only half a step behind him – and then laughed and lowered his wand. Sirius was sprawled on the couch, breathing deeply and had Harry draped over his chest. Tufty was curled up on his feet.

"Fearsome, this lot," James muttered, glancing at Lily, who had a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were sparkling and crinkled at the corners and she looked so happy - so _alive – _that he felt his heart lift. It was an expression he'd been missing in their last few weeks living at Hogwarts, and one that was coming back with a vengeance since they'd moved in. "Tufty's supposed to be able to take Mrs Norris, then there's our little Dark-Lord's Downfall and then there's the big, bad-"

"Wolf?" Lily suggested.

"That's Moony," James quipped. "I was going to say Auror."

"Terrifying," she agreed, glancing at the couch. Her mouth twitched and her eyes gleamed again and James' heart swelled. Even with Voldemort and the Death Eaters after them, he was the luckiest bloke alive.

"I love you," James said, tilting her chin up so that he could kiss her. She smiled against his mouth and then pulled back and tiptoed past Sirius. "Oi," he said.

"I'm going to get the camera," Lily said, chuckling at his crestfallen expression. James left his invisibility cloak over the back of an armchair and followed her.

"That's not the right answer," James said, as she grabbed the camera off the bench. She arched an eyebrow at him and slipped back into the sitting room. "Who says 'I'm going to get the camera' in response to a declaration of love?"

"I do," she said. There was a flash and a puff of smoke and Tufty opened one eye to give them a peeved look before settling down again. Lily flicked her wand and sent the camera floating back to the kitchen.

"You're a strange one, Evans," he said, smirking.

"It's Potter now, actually," she said loftily. It was worth the thousands of rejections he'd had from her over the years just to hear her say that.

"Oh, you're married?"

"Mmhmm." Lily wiggled her fingers at him – her rings caught the light – and then she came to wrap her arms around him again. James brushed her hair out of her face.

"Nice bloke?"

"He's a bit of a prat, actually," she said softly, her lips curving up. James grinned in response. He had a witty reply ready, but Sirius beat him to it.

"That he is." James glanced over at Sirius, who was staring bemusedly at Harry and the cat, as if wondering when they'd got there.

"Good _morning_, Sirius," Lily said glancing pointedly at the stars out the window. He poked his tongue out at her and she poked hers out right back.

"Sleeping on the job – what if the Death Eaters had come knocking, boy?!" James said, in a poor imitation of Mad-Eye's growl. "Could you fight them off with dreams and snores? Didn't think so! Constant vigilance!"

"Bloody hell, you sound just like him," Sirius said with a grimace. He eased himself upright, being careful not to jostle Harry. "Lils, where-"

"Just leave him there," she said. James shared a fond smile with his wife as his sleeping son's tiny fists gripped Sirius' phoenix t-shirt. "Did you want a cup of tea, Sirius? Dinner should be about half an hour away."

"Sounds great," he said. Lily disappeared into the kitchen and James heard her filling the kettle. Sirius managed to manoeuvre his way out from under Harry without waking him. Tufty glowered at Sirius, stood, stretched and vanished into the kitchen after Lily. Sirius and James spent a moment staring at Harry and then glanced at each other, a little embarrassed.

"Merlin, we're saps," Sirius said, barking a laugh. He ran a hand over Harry's downy hair as if unable to help himself, and grinned. "I'll be in in a moment," he said, yawning. "I'm going to find something to cover him with." James shrugged and left him to it.

Sirius joined him and Lily at the kitchen table a few seconds later, sitting in the chair that faced the sitting room. Every few seconds, James saw his eyes flick up to watch Harry. They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping their tea; James watched Lily direct potato peelers with her wand and watched Sirius watch Harry with a smirk.

"You're not getting broody are you, Pads?" James asked eventually.

"Shut it, Prongs," Sirius said. His eyes flicked up again and James smirked. Sirius smacked James' shoulder. "He's just jealous," he told Lily.

"Of...?" she asked.

"Harry. Prongs knows I like his kid better than I like him."

"Ah," Lily said, her lips twitching. James would have disagreed, but he couldn't be sure it wasn't true.

"Moony likes me better," he said.

Sirius reached over to pat his shoulder and said, "You keep telling yourself that, Jamie." Lily laughed. James sipped on his tea and attempted to look as dignified as possible.

"So what's been happening?" he asked. He knew immediately it had been the wrong thing to say; Sirius' face shadowed over and he had a mouthful of tea before saying anything.

"The Boneses are dead and Gideon's in St Mungo's." James felt like he'd just taken a Stunner in the chest. It took him a moment to remember how to breathe, and when he did remember, it hurt; the inside of his chest seemed to be filled with a horrible, twisted, achy, sick feeling. It was a feeling he was beginning to get quite familiar with.

"What?" Lily gasped, her eyes filling with tears. James' hand found hers, and Sirius had her other one. "Edgar and Ame-"

"Edgar and June," Sirius said, shaking his head. "And the girls."

"But-" James' eyes were prickling now and he reached up to wipe them.

_People are dying, _he thought miserably, _and we're playing with our son and unpacking boxes._.. _I- _we_ should be out there, helping. We should be protecting them!_ Lily's fingers tightened around his and she let out a little sob. "Georgia is- was only a few months old-"

"You think that stopped old snake face?" Sirius asked hoarsely. Lily squeezed his fingers once more and let go. Then she stood and started making dinner the muggle way.

It was a distraction, James knew. A poor one, but obviously all she could come up with right now. James got up and went to stand beside her. He put a hand on her hip and that was all it took; she latched onto him with a sob a moment later. Sirius' grim eyes met James' over the top of Lily's head.

"Amelia's beside herself and Fab's in a right state. He made a Healer cry yesterday." Sirius grimaced. "They miss you at work, Lils." She sniffled. "And you, Prongs. Shacklebolt and Finch are starting to ask questions."

Neither James or Lily had gone to work since moving to Godric's Hollow. Dumbledore thought it was far too dangerous and James was willing to humour the Headmaster for now, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he got bored and joined Sirius on a raid. The same went for Lily, he knew.

"Tell them I've gone into hiding," James sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. _Like a bloody coward. Some Gryffindor I turned out to be. _"And tell them I say to keep you out of trouble." _Because I won't be there to. I should be, but I won't be. _His smile didn't quite make it to his eyes.

"Can do," Sirius said, but his tone was devoid of humour.

"I second that," Lily said, emerging. Her eyes were wet and her nose was red, but otherwise, she seemed composed. For now, anyway. She'd cry on and off for the rest of the night in all likelihood, and James would probably join her once it sank in. He knew that from experience – and wasn't that a depressing thought?

"How are the others?" James asked, hoping for a safer, topic, and one that didn't make him feel like a waste of space. Lily turned her attention back to dinner, which she continued to make the muggle way and James stood behind her, tracing patterns on her shoulders, and playing with her hair while he listened to Sirius.

"Moony's spending a lot of time with that kid-"

"The one Greyback got?" James asked darkly.

"That's the one," Sirius said. "He's helping him adjust. I met him the other day. Michael, or Matthew or something. Nice kid." Sirius stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Pete's been busy – we got a warning about an attack and so Pete, Benjy, Bean and Dung went and got a whole heap of muggleborns away safely. They've gone into hiding or gone abroad. Then yesterday Pete was on Amelia duty... Dumbledore got a tip that says she's a target after Edgar. I suppose it makes sense – she's working her way up through the D.M.L.E. quickly. Everyone says she'll replace Crouch in a few years." James' nose wrinkled; he didn't like Crouch.

"She's good at what she does," James agreed. "She'd be better than Crouch, I reckon. Not as harsh... hang on. Did you say Dumbledore'd got _another_ tip?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's like the tenth one in a year," James said. "He's got to be getting inside information, or something. I mean, he's Dumbledore, but he's not _that_ good."

"Marly and I were talking about that this morning," Sirius said, frowning. "If Reg was around I'd say it was him – he's helped us before, remember?" James nodded. Reg had died- well, vanished, but since no one had heard from him since August last year, it wasn't likely that he was still alive, though James knew part of Sirius was still convinced he'd come back. "Reg is gone, though, and we couldn't think of anyone-"

"I can," James said at once.

"Who?"

"Lucius Malfoy," James said, trying to keep a straight face. Sirius barked a laugh and then shook his head.

"That greasy git?"

"Speaking of-" Lily's shoulders tensed under James' hands and he knew she'd realised what he was about to say. Snape was still a touchy topic for her, all these years later. "-Malfoy," he amended, "is Narcissa still-"

"A cow?" Sirius supplied. "Yep, or as far as I can tell, anyway. I haven't spoken to her in months. Last time I saw her she grabbed her kids and ran... probably thinks being a blood traitor's contagious." He barked another laugh. "You don't really think old Lucy's the spy?"

"Nah," James said. Frankly, he didn't care who it was; until about a year ago, the Order'd obviously had a spy feeding Voldemort _their _plans. They'd lost Curtis McKinnon, Elizabeth Abbott, Nicholas Gurdan, Dean and Theresa MacDonald – and Mary and Susan were permanently injured – and of course, Harold and Heather Evans – the last had only been two months ago.

No one could prove the Death Eaters had anything to do with their deaths, since it'd been a car crash that claimed them, but Mr Evans, who'd been driving, had had a bruise on his chest that looked an awful lot like it had come from a Stunner. Or perhaps it really had been an accident and James and Lily were just looking for someone to blame.

Dumbledore's new source of information had already saved Dorcas, and probably others, though no one else specific – unless Amelia now counted. It was nice to have things working in their favour again. It didn't feel like they were winning – not after everyone they'd lost – but at least it didn't feel like losing anymore.

James had been crushed by the deaths of his in-laws – Harold in particular, had become a second father to him – but he still had Sirius and Remus and Peter and Marlene and Gid and Fab – assuming Gid recovered. And, above all, he still had Harry and he still had Lily. His fingers dropped from Lily's back to his forearm, where the old scar from Snape rested. This past year, he'd got into the habit of touching it whenever he worried about them.

_Praesidio. _Protection, was what it meant. It had started as a message – or a warning – between two enemies that had nothing in common except for a brilliant muggleborn girl, and then slowly, it had become more. It had become James' driving force – expanding to include Harry once he was conceived – his reason for existing. His hand traced the slightly lumpy letters. Protection. It was his reason for everything these days.

"Message from Voldemort, Prongs?" Sirius asked lightly. James rolled his eyes and came to sit down again. Then he pulled back his sleeve to show Sirius his blank – except for the scar – forearm.

"Now you." Sirius rolled his sleeve back at once, exposing his bare arm.

They exchanged sheepish smiles; it was only the two of them that did this silly check. Remus and Peter would probably be offended if James asked them to bare their arms, but Sirius understood, like always. They both trusted each other so implicitly that the idea of the other taking the Mark was beyond ridiculous.

And, because of that, looking at their non-existent Dark Marks was a comfort, and a reminder not to take things too seriously. During war time, that was an important reminder. It was also a wonderful way to see who could come up with the best poor taste joke to initiate the reveal.

"You two are mad," Lily muttered, shaking her head. "I suppose you'll want to check mine next?"

"Nah, I saw your arm in bed this morning," James said, and she sighed and turned away, her cheeks faintly pink. Sirius leaned back in his chair to look at her face.

"She's smiling," Sirius told him and James grinned.

"Am not," Lily muttered, pursing her lips in a very obvious attempt to _not_ smile. James blew her a kiss and she smiled, blew one in return and turned back to the chopping board. James turned around to check on Harry, but he was no longer on the couch.

"Did you see him move?" James asked Sirius, who glanced over and shook his head.

"Harry's off again?" Lily asked, amused; he'd learned to crawl a few months ago – around the time Lily's parents died, which had actually been a welcome distraction – perfected that quickly and then moved right onto taking his first shaky steps about two weeks ago. Crawling was still his preferred method of getting around – and bloody hell was he quick when he wanted to be – but he'd toddled around after James yesterday while he unpacked boxes.

"I'll find him," James said, getting up. If he was going to hide in the cottage with his wife and son for the foreseeable future, he might as well do it properly. "Harry?" he called, stepping into the sitting room. "Kiddo?" He heard a giggle from the hallway and tiptoed to the door but when he peered around, it was empty. James knew he couldn't have gone upstairs because there was a charm on the stairs that prevented him from going up or down them alone; Harry'd decided to brave the stairs the day they moved in. Only Harry's accidental magic that caused him to bounce and a hasty Cushioning Charm on James' part had prevented what could have been a very nasty incident.

James had had a very serious conversation with his son about the stairs – mainly that Harry wasn't to tell his mother what had happened on James' watch – and then James had impressed Lily by suggesting they put a protective charm on the stairs just in case Harry went exploring. She'd said it was good initiative and Harry had given James a look that was entirely too knowing for a one year old as she carried him to the kitchen for lunch.

"Harry?" James called again. There was a thump and a chuckle – Harry fell over a lot, but he laughed at himself, thankfully, instead of crying - from the sitting room and James rolled his eyes and went back in there. He checked behind the couches and armchairs, in the fireplace and even behind the curtains.

"Do you want a hand, Prongs?" Sirius called in a voice that was far too innocent for James' liking.

"I'm a perfectly capable father, Padfoot! I can find him myself," James called back, a little defensive. Sirius and Lily laughed from the kitchen. "Come on, Harry," James said, looking around. He was a little impressed despite himself that Harry had managed to stay so quiet; usually he spent most of his waking hours using his limited vocabulary: he knew 'Dada', 'Mum', 'Silly', 'Pafoo', 'Mooey' and 'Peya', though his favourite was definitely 'Silly'. "You're making Dad look bad. Har-" Something silver streaked past James, who knew a Patronus when he saw it.

Patronuses were supposed to be full of good memories, but James had learned to dread them; the only good news he ever received from them was if someone had returned safely from a mission. Usually they came bringing news of death. He hurtled into the kitchen, afraid to hear what the Patronus – Dumbledore's phoenix – had to say, and afraid to miss what was said too.

"-attack on Amelia's." James saw the colour fade from Sirius' face entirely. "No one's dead-" James, Lily and Sirius let out relieved sighs and some colour returned to Sirius' cheeks. "-and they're all safe now but we could use your healing skills, Lily." Lily left the room immediately, presumably to fetch her Healer's kit. "We're in your old room at Hogwarts." The Patronus vanished and a moment later, Lily returned, slightly out of breath.

"Hogwarts," James told her. "Our old room." She strode into the sitting room with Sirius on her heels.

"I'm coming," he said, looking shaken. "Marly was there-" Suddenly Sirius' reaction seemed to make a lot more sense. He and Marlene were... well, even James didn't quite know what was going on there, because both Sirius and Marlene denied that they were dating – and he believed them - but he did know that Sirius hadn't fooled around with any other girls since seventh year, and that Marlene'd been spending more time at Sirius' flat than her own house since the end of her sixth year.

James had ten galleons on Sirius proposing before the year was up. Peter had ten galleons on them agreeing to date, because Sirius hadn't ever said that he loved her. Sirius hadn't said anything about that to James either, but James was still reasonably sure he'd win the bet; sometimes he thought he understood Sirius better than Sirius knew himself. Sirius would probably say the same about James.

"I'm sure Marly's fine, Sirius," Lily said.

"It's _Marlene_," James added comfortingly, and Sirius' mouth twitched.

"Still," he said.

"Come on, then," Lily said to him, and then turned to James. "Will you be all right with Harry?" Taking him was out of the question; their old room at Hogwarts would be crowded enough without an energetic almost-one year old toddling around.

"We'll be fine," James said, despite the fact that he had no idea where his son was.

"Just you?" Sirius asked, chewing his lip.

"I'm a big boy," James assured him. He tried to grin but it was weak; it'd be the first time Harry didn't have two protectors with him since his birth. That was enough to make any parent nervous during war, but Harry was a prophecy child with Lord bloody Voldemort after him. Lily seemed to be thinking the same; her eyes were troubled. "Go on," James said, giving them a proper smile this time. "They need you, Lils." Sirius made a strange sound and rubbed a hand over his chin.

"Sirius-?" Lily began.

"Go, Padfoot," James told him, but Sirius' jaw was set.

"She'd kill me if something happened to you and Harry while I was fussing over her," he muttered. He exhaled loudly and turned to Lily. "Tell her I want a message straight away."

"Of course," Lily said at once. "Thank you, Sirius-"

"Make sure she's all right," he said gruffly. Lily hugged them both, called a goodbye to the still absent Harry and vanished into the Floo.

"Are you su-"

"I'm staying," Sirius said firmly.

"Thanks." Sirius looked over, apparently a bit surprised by James' sincerity.

"I'm not doing it for you, you prat," Sirius said, smirking. "It's for Harry." His grin widened. "You think any of us trust him alone with _you_?"

"I'm a perfectly capable father," James sniffed.

"Really?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Then where's the son you're perfectly capable of taking care of?" As if on cue, Harry giggled from the kitchen.

James made a rather rude hand-gesture – and hoped momentarily that Harry _wasn't_ around to see that, because Lily'd kill them both - and pulled the kitchen door open again. Sirius followed and they called Harry, looked under the table, in a few of the cupboards and Sirius even poked his head through the other kitchen door – the one that let out into the hallway – but still couldn't find him.

"What the bloody hell?" Sirius asked, confused. Another ghostly chuckle came from the sitting room and they looked at each other before charging off in different directions; Sirius went out into the hallway again, and James burst through the door into the sitting room.

James could see Sirius in the other doorway, but Harry wasn't between them. They exchanged bemused looks and then something brushed James' leg. He looked down, but there wasn't anything there.

_Hang on._ James looked up and sure enough, his invisibility cloak was gone. He frowned; Harry shouldn't have been able to reach it – it'd been up high, resting on the armchair – and Harry wouldn't have been able to magic it down, because the cloak was resistant to being Summoned.

"Sirius," James said slowly. He moved his foot around his general vicinity – very gently – but all it encountered was air. "When you covered Harry before, what did you cover him _with_?" Sure enough, Sirius gestured to the armchair.

"The blanket," he said. James laughed and swore at the same time.

"You mean the cloak?"

"The-" Sirius' eyes widened. "Well, _damn_."

"Yeah, pretty much," James said, running a hand through his hair. "Bloody hell, Pads, I've had it for years! How didn't you recognise-"

"I was half-asleep!" Sirius protested.

"You gave a one year old the invisibility cloak!" James said loudly, not sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Sirius said, looking panicked. James settled for laughing; the stricken look on Sirius' face was just too funny. "Harry!" Sirius called. "Harry, come to Padfoot! Come on, kiddo!"

"What are you doing?" James laughed.

"Trying to find him," Sirius said, getting on his hands and knees. "I'm bloody well not explaining this to Lils when she gets home." That wiped the smile right off James' face.

"Harry!" he called, joining Sirius on the floor. "Come here, mate!" They heard another baby laugh, but Harry didn't come. "Little monster," James muttered, crawling around with his arms outstretched. "And you bloody well are going to tell her if we don't find him. You're the one that lost him."

"We'll find him," Sirius said.

"How? We can't very well Summon him or the cloak – the magic prevents that - and we won't hear him moving on this carpet."

"We could sniff him out," Sirius said.

"_Everything_ in here smells like Harry," James said, shaking his head.

"Maybe he'll just come to Padfoot?"

"Maybe he'll be having too much fun." There was another chuckle but James couldn't pinpoint where it had come from. Sirius groaned.

"He'll get tired eventually," Sirius said.

"He's just slept!"

"I _know_ that-"

"Yes, you do, because you were the one that tucked him up with the-"

There was a flash of green and a tall shape manifested itself in the fireplace. The flames died down and Remus brushed ash off of his robes before stepping out onto the carpet. Then he blinked.

"What in Merlin's name are you two doing on the- oh!" Remus leaped backward, staring at his feet in alarm. "What the- Sir-James!" James and Sirius had thrown themselves in Remus' general direction the moment Harry showed signs of being near him. James' fingers brushed something soft and his son cackled.

"Got him!" he yelled, and Sirius' fingers closed around the cloak. He yanked it up to reveal Harry, who laughed again and wriggled out of James' grip.

"Is that the cloak?" Remus asked, stepping around the three of them.

"Mooey," Harry said happily, waving his chubby fists at Remus, who scooped him off the ground for a hug.

"Hello, Harry," he said, pulling a silly face. Then he looked at James and Sirius, who were still on the ground. "What've your irresponsible guardians been up to today?"

"Silly!" Harry exclaimed, and Sirius scowled.

"It's Padfoot," he said. "Can you say Padfoot?"

"Silly!" Harry shrieked. Sirius threw his hands up in the air and flopped back onto the carpet. James nudged him with his toe and got a grunt in response. Smirking, James got up and sat down in the armchair opposite the couch, which Remus and Harry had settled on.

"We're not irresponsible," James said, pulling a face at his son, who beamed. "We were just playing a game."

"Of life and death," Sirius muttered from the ground.

"Sounds exciting," Remus said, lifting an eyebrow. James grinned sheepishly. "Sorry I didn't mention I'd be coming around." Harry wriggled and Remus set him on the ground again, where he crawled over to Sirius, chattering away. James didn't understand a word he was saying, except for the 'Silly' that cropped up regularly. Sirius , however, had propped himself up on his elbow and was listening with a remarkably serious look on his face. James caught Remus' eye, and they both looked away before they burst out laughing. "I know you're not supposed to have visitors," Remus continued, though his eyes landed on Sirius and he smiled as if he hadn't expected anything else, "but I-"

"We've missed you too, Moony," James said, reaching over to clap him on the shoulder. "Besides, what Dumbledore doesn't know won't hurt him." Remus smiled.

"How long've you been here, Sirius?"

Sirius waited until Harry'd paused for breath and then said, "Hang on, kiddo. Two hours, maybe? I came unannounced too." Then, before either James or Remus could respond, he turned to Harry. "Please, continue," he said gravely. Harry gurgled happily and kept talking. James couldn't hold in a laugh this time, and Remus succumbed a moment later.

"Dada," Harry whined. "Mooey!"

"Sorry," James said at once, forcing himself to stop laughing. Remus had controlled his expression too. Harry watched them for a moment longer and then turned back to Sirius.

"Unbelievable," James muttered, watching the pair of them on the floor. Remus laughed quietly, obviously not wanting to upset Harry again. "So, Padfoot says you've been spending loads of time with that kid-" James tried to remember what Sirius had said the boy's name was.

"Matt," Remus supplied, smiling.

"How's he adjusting?" James asked.

"Better than I expected him to," Remus said, looking proud. "He's older than the ones Greyback usually goes after – Matt was a special case-"

"Punishment?"

"His mother's a muggle," Remus sighed, nodding.

"And his father?"

"Pureblood," Remus said.

"Really? Who?" James asked, and Remus hesitated.

"Cornelius Rosier," Remus said finally, looking defiant. James just arched an eyebrow.

"Evan's brother, by any chance?"

"Cornelius is different," Remus hurried to add. It looked like he thought James was about to go off.

"Obviously," James said, waving a hand, and Remus relaxed. "Stuffy purebloods don't marry muggles. So how old's Matt?"

"Eleven," Remus said. "Old enough to understand what's happening to him, which is a blessing in some ways, but a curse in others."

"Looks like the Shack'll get a second lot of use," James said, but Remus shook his head.

"He isn't going."

"What?" James asked, stunned. "I'm sure Dumbledore-"

"Dumbledore's already offered. Matt doesn't want to. He's new to this – he hasn't even had his first full moon, although his mother's got some interesting ideas. She's a- muggles have healers just for animals-"

"Really?" James asked, fascinated.

"Really," Remus said, looking amused. "The point, though, is he's still getting used to everything. He says he doesn't feel comfortable going, and no one's going to force him."

"But- but if he's magical-"

"They've asked me to teach him," Remus said, looking pleased and guilty; he'd always wanted to be a teacher, and so this was a great opportunity for Remus, but the circumstances were unfortunate.

"What did you say?"

"That I'd think about it," Remus said. "I want to, but-"

"Well, it sounds perfect to me," James said. "He's going to need someone to look up to and you're probably the best role model I've ever met." Remus flushed. "It's true," James insisted. "And you're in no danger of hurting him because-" James' voice darkened. "-that's already been done. And when you start feeling sick before the moon, you won't be disadvantaging him because he'll feel the same." Remus sighed. "Besides, there's loads you could teach him."

"Sometimes you make too much sense," Remus said wryly.

"It's a talent," James said pompously. "One my son doesn't seem to have inherited, I'm afraid." They both glanced at Harry, who was still chattering nonsensically to Sirius.

"No, instead he's stuck with your mop," Sirius commented, ruffling Harry's untidy hair.

"Silly," Harry said happily.

"Kiddo," Sirius began in a long-suffering voice, "it's Padfoot. _Pad-foot._"

"Pafoo," Harry said, his chubby fingers tugging on Sirius' jumper.

"Ha!" Sirius said triumphantly. "Good. Now, let's not hear any more of this 'Silly' nonsense, eh? The only one who's silly here is your Dad." Sirius winked at James and Harry turned around to watch James with Lily's green eyes.

"Me?" James asked, and Harry beamed. James slid off the armchair and joined his son and almost-brother on the floor. "Am I silly, Harry?"

"Silly!" Harry cried, waving his little fist at Sirius. James smirked and Remus chuckled.

"That's what I thought," James said smugly.

"Looks like I'm back to being your Dad's best mate," Sirius said loftily. "We're not friends anymore, Harry."

"Mooey," Harry said smugly, crawling over to Remus. Sirius scowled.

"That's right," Remus said, dropping onto the floor beside Harry, who promptly settled himself in Remus' lap. "We're best friends, aren't we?" Remus nodded slowly and Harry eventually caught on and mimicked the gesture, though he nearly fell over doing it.

James saw the fall coming and got a hand under him before Remus could. Once Harry was stable again, leaning against Remus, he started talking, just like he had with Sirius before. 'Silly' was the most regular word in that conversation too, and Sirius scowled good naturedly.

Ten minutes later, Harry had finished his story and had come to sit in front of James, who was conjuring colourful clouds for him to catch. Harry never went for the darker blue or purple ones, and usually left the red and green ones alone, but the yellow and gold ones were fair game. He'd be a Seeker, James could tell.

Remus had settled himself beside Harry and was making half-hearted attempts to beat Harry to the clouds. Harry usually won – Remus really wasn't trying at all – but every now and then, Harry would let him get one.

Sirius still hadn't heard from Marlene and was beginning to worry; he was pacing in front of the fireplace, obviously trying to decide whether to go to Hogwarts or not, when the decision was made for him. The fire flared green as it had when Remus arrived, and the person that stepped out of it was almost as tall, but far more feminine. She was also promptly leaped upon by Sirius before she could even brush herself off.

"Hi," James heard her say softly.

"I thought- didn't Lily tell you to-" Sirius let her go and stood in front of her, probably checking her over for injuries.

"She said you wanted a Patronus, yes," Marlene said. The only part of her that wasn't obscured by Sirius was her feet, and he saw her stand on tip-toes for a moment, and then her arms laced themselves around Sirius' neck. "But by that time, she'd already patched me up and I figured I'd give you the real thing instead." They stood like that for a very long time and James let them – thinking all the while that Pete'd definitely lose his ten galleons – until it just became ridiculous.

He cleared his throat and Marlene's bright eyes appeared over Sirius' shoulder. She beamed when she spotted Harry and she dragged Sirius over to join James, Remus and Harry.

"Merlin, he's grown," she said, waving at Harry who beamed and waved back. "And it's someone's birthday next week, isn't it?"

"Silly," Harry said proudly.

"Nah, mate," Sirius said, "yours."

"Silly," Harry insisted.

"He is, isn't he?" Marlene said, grinning up at Sirius. "Very silly, your godfather."

"Silly," Harry agreed, reaching for Marlene's hair. She pulled back instantly and Harry looked put out.

"Bit twitchy, Marly?" Sirius asked, smirking.

"Neville's got a thing for hair," Marlene said wryly. "It's reflex, I suppose."

"How're they holding up?" James asked, and she shrugged.

"They're safe," she said, arching an eyebrow at him. "They might not like it, but that's what matters." James felt like they weren't talking about Alice, Frank and Neville anymore, and scowled. Marlene gave him a sad smile and glanced around, deftly avoiding Harry when he made another grab for her hair.

They all laughed at his frustrated expression and James set about conjuring colourful clouds again, but Harry wasn't fooled. In fact, he continued to sulk until Tufty was drawn into the sitting room – by Marlene, probably, because the cat loved her – and was distracted by Tufty's tail.

"Look at him, smarmy little furball," Sirius muttered, glowering at Tufty, who was having his ears scratched by Marlene. Harry kept lunging for his tail, but Tufty managed to move it away each time; he'd learned the hard way that if Harry got his tail, it'd be sucked on.

"I thought you liked Tufty?" Marlene said, glancing at him. James and Remus sniggered; Sirius liked most things, at least until he decided they were getting too cosy with Marlene. Poor Sturgis had endured months of angry sideways looks and muttered insults until Marlene put a stop to it.

"I do like Tufty," Sirius said, patting the cat. "But you're a dog person."

"When have I ever said I liked dogs?" Marlene asked, incredulous. A laugh burst out of James before he could stop it. "I've got nothing _against_ dogs, but cats are much nicer." Sirius growled, but the sound was drowned out by Remus and James' laughter.

"Shut it, you two!" Sirius muttered before turning back to his... whatever Marlene was to him. "You must like dogs – your Patronus is a dog!"

"Oh, is it?" Remus asked, waggling his eyebrows. James smirked and Sirius flushed.

"A big, shaggy one," Marlene said matter-of-factly, still patting Tufty. "And that's only because it's paired with yours."

"Have you heard the theory about compatible Patronuses?" James asked innocently.

"I can probably guess," Marlene replied. "That doesn't mean I'm a dog person."

"Yes, it does!" Sirius exclaimed.

"You're not honestly offended on your Patronus' behalf, are you?" Marlene asked, rolling her eyes. Sirius pouted at her. "Oh, dear Merlin," Marlene muttered, but a small, wry smile was playing around her lips. "Has anyone ever told you how utterly ridiculous you are?"

"Yes," James and Remus said together, and Harry said, "Silly!"


	2. Fighting

"I still can't believe you don't like dogs," Sirius muttered, passing Marlene a glass of firewhiskey.

She smiled at him, tossed her dark hair over her shoulder and sat down in one of the chairs that wasn't likely to collapse; Sirius tended to hex his furniture when he was upset and the chairs were still damaged from when he'd heard about Edgar and his family.

Sirius glanced between two chairs and chose the one that looked most stable before he sat down and poured a glass for himself. He set the bottle down with a chink and then tossed back the contents of his glass. It burned his throat and then set his chest on fire. It was unpleasant and lovely in equal measure.

Marlene stared at her bottle with a sad, almost thoughtful expression and Sirius knew she was thinking about her father. They'd lost him just after Regulus, and Marlene hadn't been the same since. She'd been quieter, and far less reckless – as if she now understood how easily life came and went – and also far more reckless – as if she couldn't wait to see Curtis again.

It scared Sirius, sometimes, because he didn't know what he'd do without her. He needed her, and he thought that, if he'd let her, she'd have fallen into her own little world and shut everyone else out. They weren't like Lily and James, who loved and supported each other in a rather conventional fashion, though they depended on each other just as much.

Sirius wasn't even sure that Marlene loved him, although he sometimes thought he might love her. He and Marlene argued over everything, and she hexed him, and he never hexed her back – instead he'd sulk and refuse to talk to her – but they always seemed to make up, and they were always there for each other.

Sirius wasn't sure if that was from genuine compatibility, or if it was because they were fighting a war and both wanted to feel something other than fear or anger every once in a while. Part of him hoped the war would never end, so he'd never have to find out, and so that they could continue with their dysfunctional whatever it was they had.

No, they were nothing like James and Lily. Lily and James weren't the sort to sit in the kitchen together, with a bottle of firewhiskey and try to forget. Sirius and Marlene didn't do it all that often – probably only once every few months - but every now and then, the rest of the world got too hard to deal with, and that was the best solution either of them could come up with. No one else was ever invited.

Sirius was afraid that James and Lily would think he was a coward; they'd sacrificed their old lives so that they could stay home and protect their son – hiding because they had no choice – and he didn't think they'd understand why he felt the need to hide sometimes. He wasn't brave like they were. That, and neither of them were as fond of firewhiskey as he and Marlene were.

Sirius sighed and topped up their glasses.

Peter would think he was a coward too. Peter'd thrown himself wholeheartedly into working with Dumbledore and the Order – so much so that he often overworked himself and made him sick. Peter never duelled, but he took part in most missions. He'd send messages, or help take care of the injured, or watch over captured Death Eaters. Peter was always _there_, and he'd done a much better job of coming to grips with the war than Sirius had. Peter was brave, facing that every day, and wouldn't understand why he wanted to hide anymore than Lily and James would.

Remus had left all of his bad habits at Hogwarts; his condition had been a secret there, but on the outside, all of the Order knew and so did Voldemort's lot. Remus felt like he had something to prove to them all, and was on his best behaviour most of the time. Sirius thought he could be coaxed into joining in, but only if Marlene wasn't there; Remus was scared of what she might think of him. And, while Remus' company might be nice, Sirius couldn't imagine firewhiskey nights without Marlene.

Other Order members – maybe Benjy, Gideon or Fabian – would probably quite like to join them, but Sirius hadn't ever been able to bring himself to invite any, because he felt like it would be a betrayal to offer them an invitation when he hadn't extended the same to his very best friends.

_Just me, Marly and old Ogden,_ he thought, tapping his glass against Marlene's. She twisted her mouth into something that was almost a smile.

"What?" he asked. This time, he only had a mouthful before he put his glass down.

"Do you ever think it's unfair?"

"Every damn day," Sirius replied.

"Not the war," she sighed. "This. Us."

"Us?" Sirius asked, arching an eyebrow.

"That we're still alive," she said, pouring herself another half-glass. "Why us? Why not Ed and June? Why not-"

"Luck," Sirius suggested, before she could finish that sentence.

"To luck," she said humourlessly, holding up her glass.

"May it never run out," Sirius agreed.

"May we live until we're old and grumpy," she added, with a genuine smile this time.

"But not too grumpy," Sirius said, frowning.

"No," she agreed. "Not too grumpy." Their glasses chinked and there was silence for a moment. A small smile broke out on Sirius' face and then Marlene chuckled. She set her glass down and walked around the table to sit on Sirius' lap. The chair creaked dangerously, and both he and Marlene waited. Sirius half expected it to break. "Think it'll hold?"

"Dunno," he said, deciding he didn't particularly care. He had better things to do than worry about the stability of his furniture.

"If it breaks, I hope you realise I fully intend to use you to break my fall."

"Mmmhmm," Sirius said, leaning forward, but Marlene turned her head. Sirius' lips landed on her cheek instead.

"It'll be your fault, too," she whispered.

"I should probably stop hexing things." He tried to kiss her again, but this time he got a mouthful of her hair.

"Probably," she agreed, eyes glinting.

"Tease," he murmured. Their faces were only inches away now, but Sirius didn't attempt to close the distance this time.

"You love it."

"I l-" But Sirius never got the chance to finish his sentence; a tall shape stepped out of his fireplace, only a few yards from where they were seated and brushed soot off his robes and beard.

"Sir," Marlene said, pulling away from Sirius, but making no move to stand.

"Marlene," Dumbledore said, smiling kindly. Sirius scanned his old Headmaster's face and relaxed a little; Dumbledore didn't look like he'd come with bad news. "Sirius."

"How many members were there in the Unicorn Association when it was made redundant?" Sirius asked, inching his wand out of his pocket.

"Four, I believe." Sirius nodded and Dumbledore's eyes fell on the firewhiskey bottle. It was still two thirds full but Sirius felt suddenly guilty, and like he was about to be told off. Then he shook himself. He was twenty one and if he wanted to drink, he was allowed to and Dumbledore couldn't tell him off for that. "I'm sorry for interrupting," he said.

"If you were that sorry, then you either wouldn't have come, or would have left already," Sirius said. He didn't mean to be rude; he just had a habit of thinking out loud when he'd had a bit to drink. Marlene punched him in the ribs. "Oww."

"You've caught me," Dumbledore said, not seeming offended at all. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for a little bit more of your time."

"Go ahead," Sirius said, gesturing to the chairs surrounding the table. "Just watch it – some of them are a bit... erm..."

"That one's fine, sir," Marlene said, gesturing to the seat she'd vacated a few minutes ago.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said. "At the risk of making myself even more of a nuisance, Marlene, would you kindly excuse us? I have some things to discuss with Sirius."

"Sure," she said uncertainly. She stood up, and Sirius immediately missed her warm weight. "I'll just be next door." She grabbed her glass off the table, crossed the sitting room and disappeared into the bedroom. The door clicked shut.

"Is something-"

"I'd like to talk to you about James," Dumbledore sighed. "And Lily and young Harry, of course, but predominantly James."

"Is he all right?" Sirius asked warily; it was only two days ago that he'd been there and James had been fine then. A lot could change in two days, of course, but Sirius knew he'd have been told by now if something had happened. "I haven't seen him in ages," Sirius added. Dumbledore pursed his lips, and Sirius was suddenly certain that Dumbledore, somehow, knew where he'd been the night before last.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, stroking his chin. Dumbledore definitely knew. It astounded him that Dumbledore could know things like this, yet had never realised that he, James and Peter were Animagi. "It must be at least two weeks-"

"I have a charm on the Potters' fireplace that tells me otherwise," Dumbledore said, holding up a hand.

"Oh," Sirius said, blinking. He took a moment to assess his feelings on the matter, and found he felt guilty and angry. Anger won out. "But- but that's an intrusion of privacy! You can't-"

"I am aware, Sirius," Dumbledore said heavily. "And I assure you it is not a measure I put in place lightly. I felt that it would do to have their movements monitored – you remember August, I presume?"

"Of course I do," Sirius snapped. Potter Manor had been destroyed in August. "Does James know?" Dumbledore folded his hands in front of him, and didn't speak for a few seconds. Sirius folded his arms. He had a lot of respect for Dumbledore – the man was a powerful wizard, and a great leader – and Sirius trusted him with his life, but Sirius also did his best not to be blinded by authority. Dumbledore was no exception, and if Sirius thought he was doing something wrong, he'd say it. "Why not?"

"James would see it as a restriction-"

"Which it is," Sirius pointed out.

"A necessary one," Dumbledore said gently.

"Then why haven't you told him? If it's so necessary, then he should be fine with it."

"You and I both know that 'necessary' means little more to James than it does to you. It is temporary, I assure you; Amelia, Caradoc, Frank, myself and Lily are currently researching wards and protective enchantments that will better protect both the Potters and the Longbottoms. When we find something, I will remove the charms. You have my word on that." Sirius grunted. "I would also appreciate your silence on the matter."

"I'm sure," Sirius muttered. Dumbledore sighed.

"We are at war, Sirius-"

"Oh, really?" Sirius asked. "I hadn't noticed. I thought people died for the fun of it, and everyone going into hiding was a big game-"

"You have certainly treated it as such," Dumbledore said sternly. Sirius opened his mouth, indignant. "I made my instructions clear, Sirius, that when James and Lily moved to Godric's Hollow they were to have no visitors until I deemed it appropriate."

"I missed them."

"I understand, Sirius," Dumbledore said gently, and Sirius thought he did. "But their safety is more important than that."

"I know," Sirius mumbled.

"And you went anyway," Dumbledore said quietly.

"No one could have tracked me – I came straight from here, through the Floo, to their place."

"Dear boy, if no one could have tracked you, then why am I here?" Sirius' stomach plummeted.

"If you came here to make me feel like a git, you've succeeded," Sirius muttered, after a moment. He ran his hands through his hair, and couldn't quite bring himself to look Dumbledore in the eye.

"That was not my intention. My intention, above all, is to keep James, Lily and Harry safe." A very small, mean part of Sirius wondered whether Dumbledore cared about James and Lily as people, or whether it was just because Harry could be the prophecy child – Dumbledore seemed to think it was more likely to be Harry than Neville, but no one could be sure, since Voldemort hadn't marked either of them yet. Sirius felt instantly guilty for thinking that of his old Headmaster and ashamed of himself; of course Dumbledore cared. If anything, the man cared too much.

"I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled.

"Mistakes happen," Dumbledore said. "We must learn from them. I am going to ask you, Sirius, to not visit again until I say that you can."

"How long?" Sirius asked.

"Two weeks, I think," Dumbledore said after a moment.

"Two weeks?!" Sirius howled. "That's not fair!"

"War isn't fair," Dumbledore said quietly.

"You want them safe," Sirius fumed, "but what about sane? James'll go mad if he's cooped up for _two_ weeks-"

"James will endure," Dumbledore said. "Peter has arranged to see them the weekend after next-"

"Well then why can't I go too? And Remus?" Sirius demanded. "If one person's going-"

"It will just be Peter," Dumbledore said firmly. "Consider it punishment – for both you and Remus – for going against my specifications."

"We're not students anymore!" Sirius snapped. "You can't give us detention or give us lines, or _punish _us. What's to stop us from going anyway-"

"You may rebel with the intention of hurting me," Dumbledore said, his tone suddenly curt, "but it will be James, Lily and Harry who suffer for it." Sirius snarled and jumped up so that he could pace. Dumbledore watched him with sad eyes. "I'm not asking this to be cruel, Sirius-"

"Well, it certainly seems that way," Sirius snapped. "The whole point of this war is to fight Voldemort! You've said a thousand times that he's winning if we let him interfere with our lives and make us suspicious of each other, but it looks a bloody lot to me like that's exactly what's happening!"

A tear trickled down Dumbledore's cheek and suddenly he looked _old_ sitting at Sirius' kitchen table. It wasn't _his _fault and it wasn't fair of Sirius to blame him – Dumbledore had no more control over this whole mess than Sirius did - but Sirius had started and couldn't stop.

"James and Lily are prisoners in their own home! I'm not allowed to visit but old Bathilda bloody Bagshot can walk down the street, in plain sight of anyone that might be watching, and have a cup of tea! And Alice and Frank are in the same boat-"

"I am trying to protect them. Alice and Frank are hiding willingly, and Lily is willing most of the time but James, as you've said, feels like a prisoner. If you cannot take the restrictions seriously, then why should he?" Sirius' heart twisted unpleasantly. "If you rebel, _he_ will rebel and you know as well as I that that's likely to get him killed. James will not listen to me alone; I _need_ your support in thi-"

The bedroom door burst open and Marlene emerged. Sirius had a moment to notice she'd changed out of her robes and into one of his old t-shirts and a pair of pyjama shorts before she collided with him. He staggered but managed to steady them both and get his arms around her. Her face was pressed against his neck and felt distinctly wet and her breathing was coming in choked gasps.

Dumbledore was on his feet with his wand out, but didn't seem to know what was going on any more than Sirius did.

"Marls?" Sirius said gently. She punched him – not hard - in the side once, and then again a moment later. He looked down and saw there was an orange envelope clutched in her fist. Sirius' heart sank; those were from the Department of Magical Records. He took it from her and threw it at Dumbledore so that he could hold Marlene with two arms again. Dumbledore made an odd, choking noise and collapsed into the nearest chair.

And, though there were a thousand times that it could have happened, it was at that moment that the chair gave way. Sirius had always imagined it would be funny when one of his chairs broke and sent someone tumbling to the floor. It wasn't.

"Who?" he croaked, as Dumbledore used the table to stand. No one said anything. "_Who?!"_

"The McKinnons," Dumbledore said, and Sirius' arms convulsed around Marlene's shoulders. "Alexander and his wife," Dumbledore added. Sirius knew Alex well, but had never met his wife. He didn't even know her name, though he supposed it had been safer that way.

"Dead?" Sirius asked, closing his eyes.

"Y-"

"No," Marlene said, over the top of whatever Dumbledore had wanted to say.

"Marly-"

"No, Sirius! Helen might still- It says Alex is- Helen's missing-"

"Yes," Dumbledore said, though there was little hope in his voice. "I will send a message to Alastor. He can arrange a search for her..." Dumbledore paused, thinking.

"I'll go to the rest," Sirius said. Marlene's grip tightened, and Sirius gently prised himself free. Dumbledore watched him for a moment and then nodded.

"Go?" Marlene asked.

"If Voldemort found Alex, who knows who else he could have found?" Sirius asked heavily. He didn't want to think about losing James or Lily or Harry or Remus or Peter or anyone else, but if Voldemort had found Alex... Dumbledore's mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes were dull.

"Sirius is right," he sighed, adjusting his spectacles. "We need to know if everyone's alive and people are far more reliable than Patronuses. They will also need to be informed of tonight's losses." Dumbledore bowed his head. "I'll go to Lily and James and Alice and Frank immediately. Sirius, you will check in with everyone else."

"I'll go too," Marlene said, folding her arms. Her eyes were wet, but flinty.

"Your mum'll want you home," Sirius told her. She sniffed, chewing on her lip. "And Simon, Marls-" Marlene's face crumpled at the mention of her little brother. "Moony and Wormtail will take care of me." Sirius glanced at Dumbledore, who nodded, to say both Remus and Peter were around.

"Be careful."

"Always am," Sirius said. He would have taken his motorcycle but there was no way he'd fit all three of them on it, and it wasn't exactly stealthy. Instead, he twisted on the spot, thinking of Peter's house.

He Apparated directly onto the doorstep – Peter was no duellist, but he'd probably blow Sirius up if he was startled enough – and knocked once. The door opened almost instantly and revealed Peter, who was dressed in a pair of striped pyjamas. His wand was in his hand, but it wasn't raised.

He looked nervous, but not scared, and that astonished Sirius; Peter wasn't brave in the conventional sense, but he'd open doors without knowing who'd knocked, and he'd go out in public alone, things Sirius and most others wouldn't dream of doing. Peter was brave in strange ways.

"Sirius?" Peter said. "Is something wron-"

"What does Harry call me?" Sirius asked. Peter smelled right, but Polyjuice mimicked smell perfectly.

"Silly," Peter replied in a hushed tone. Sirius pulled him into a hug and stepped into the house. Peter glanced around at the street outside and shut the door.

"Alex and his wife are dead," Sirius said wearily. "We're going to get Moony and make sure the rest are all right." Peter closed his eyes for a moment before he scurried down the hall into his bedroom. He came out not long after wearing shoes, and holding a set of robes, which he pulled on over the top of his pyjamas. "All set?"

"And here I was thinking I'd get a decent sleep tonight," Peter said, making a poor attempt at a joke. Sirius made a poor attempt at a laugh in response. "Let's go." Peter grabbed Sirius' arm and then Sirius was being squeezed.

He gasped when it stopped, and hunched over; Apparating was fine, but Side-Along did funny things to the firewhiskey in his stomach.

"Sirius?" Peter asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Just give me a minute," Sirius said, taking a few deep breaths to clear the dizziness. Peter backed off and went to knock on the door of Remus' cottage. It was all very quiet inside. Sirius straightened and pulled out his wand, eyes flicking to the sky, just to make sure that nothing other than stars and a crescent moon rested above the house.

"Remus?" Peter called, probably smelling Sirius' unease.

"Peter, what were Gurdan's last words?" Remus called through the door. It was such a different greeting to Peter's, and more like the way Sirius would greet anyone that came to his own flat unannounced.

"He looked at you and said, 'See why that's my boggart?'," Peter said.

"Sirius?"

"Moony," Sirius replied.

"Strangest place we've ever found a boggart."

"Clock," Sirius said. The door opened and a pair of brown eyes peered out.

"What's happened?" Remus asked.

"The McKinnons are dead," Peter said. Remus' eyes went straight to Sirius and the horrified misery that wafted off him was so strong that it made Sirius sneeze. Peter rubbed his nose.

"Padfoot, I'm so-"

"Marls is alive," Sirius said quickly, realising what conclusion Remus had reached. "It's Alex. His wife too – she's missing, not confirmed dead, but-"

"Yeah," Remus said thickly. "Oh, Alex." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"We're doing check-ups," Peter said. Remus didn't say anything; like Peter, he knew time was everything and didn't waste it. He hurried back inside, presumably to find shoes.

Sirius leaned against the doorway, thinking longingly of the abandoned firewhiskey that was sitting on his kitchen table. It would have to wait, because the war certainly wouldn't.

Remus rejoined them soon after and together, they twisted into the night. Sirius staggered upon landing again, and Remus and Peter fell onto the hard pavement outside Dorcas' house with him. It was a good thing, too.

Light rushed over the top of Sirius' head, missing him by less than an inch. Remus swore beside him and fired a hex off.

Dazed and clutching his stomach, he looked up, and saw Voldemort himself parry it with a lazy flick of his wand. Instinct took over and Sirius jerked his wand; the pavement shot up, creating a wall between them. A moment later, it shuddered as a spell hit it.

"_Expecto Patronum!_" Remus said desperately, and started giving instructions to his Patronus to carry to Dumbledore.

"Get to Dorcas!" Sirius whispered to Peter, gesturing to the house. Peter shrank into Wormtail and shot off into the darkness. Remus' wolf darted in the opposite direction and then vanished in a flash of blue and silver. Sirius hoped it'd draw Voldemort's attention away from the house and Peter. "_Perlucidus,_" Sirius murmured, and the wall shimmered and turned transparent. Voldemort was still standing by Dorcas' letterbox. He wasn't casting, but was watching intently, as if trying to decide what to do next.

Remus murmured a few words and the letterbox sprang into action, trying to hit Voldemort like a hammer might hit a nail. The letterbox exploded a moment later, and twisted bits of metal and splinters of wood bounced off the invisible wall Sirius had conjured.

"Clever," Voldemort said, looking amused.

"Thanks," Remus replied, his voice shaking a little.

"_Reducto_." Remus' wide eyes locked with Sirius' and then they were both flying into the front garden. Sirius landed on his back and flinched as pieces of invisible stone struck him, but was winded and couldn't move. Remus landed beside him but didn't stay there for long; he rolled away as a jet of orange light struck the lawn between them. It was only luck that it missed Sirius, because he still hadn't moved.

"_Fumos!"_ Remus said, and smoke billowed out of the end of his wand. Sirius found he couldn't see, and that the smoke was stopping him from smelling anything, though he could still hear perfectly well. "Get up, Padfoot," Remus said, grabbing his elbow. Sirius managed to get his legs to respond and he and Remus sought shelter behind the house.

"_Ventus!_" Voldemort said, clearing the smoke with a gust of wind. "_Comedo!"_ Sirius and Remus staggered backward as the wall sizzled and melted away, eaten by acid.

Sirius looked around the wall long enough to shout, "_Suffocio!_" A jet of brilliant green light hit the lawn near Sirius' feet in response.

There were three loud pops behind them and Sirius turned, grinning. Except it wasn't the Order. He saw Lucius Malfoy's white-blond hair peeking out from behind the Death Eater mask, saw Aloysius Goyle struggling to put his mask on, and saw Evan Rosier's gleaming teeth bared in a mad smile.

"_Quassius!" _Sirius yelled, as Remus wrapped a Shield Charm around them both; a spell from Voldemort bounced off and shattered a window and a spell from either Malfoy or Rosier bounced off and blasted a hole in Dorcas' neighbour's fence. Sirius' spell caused the ground to rumble and Malfoy and Goyle lost their footing.

There was an explosion from Voldemort's general direction and Sirius saw that Dumbledore had arrived. Several other Order members were duelling Death Eaters in the street. Dumbledore and Voldemort were talking, as they duelled but Sirius couldn't hear words.

"_Suffocio!"_ Remus said, and Goyle dropped his mask so that he could clutch his throat instead. His face was slowly turning purple.

"_Finite_," Malfoy snarled, and Goyle fell over, gasping. "_Exscindo!_" Remus, who'd just blocked something from Rosier, had no time to get his wand up, but Sirius was ready; he slashed his wand through the air and the spell bounced off his Shield Charm and hit Goyle, who let out a thin, piercing scream and clutched his leg; _Exscindo_ was a particularly nasty spell which shattered bones. Rosier dropped down to tend him.

Remus was fully engaged with Malfoy. They were firing spells at each other, their wands moving so quickly they were blurred. Light flashed around both of them as various spells were stopped by last second blocks.

"_Dormio," _Rosier said, and Goyle slumped. "That's better, I think," he mused, and then stood. "That wasn't very nice of you, Black." Sirius shot a Stunner in his direction. "Ooh, we _are_ cranky today! This isn't about your little girlfriend's brother, is it?" Sirius snarled at him and let loose a Disarmer that Rosier casually moved to avoid. "It wasn't anything personal, I promise," Rosier said, grinning that mad grin. "It was all for the cause – I'm sure you understand-"

"_Gelius!_" Rosier moved a bit too late and the spell hit the fingers of his wand hand.

"Oho, aren't you tricky!?" Rosier said, as frost raced over the skin of his hand and froze it in place. Rosier's robes covered his arm, so Sirius couldn't see how far up it went; the spell was supposed to freeze the target's skin – painfully – and paralyse them, but Sirius had only hit an extremity. Rosier gave his arm an experimental shake and Sirius was sorry to see his wand stayed where it was, clenched in his fist. "Unlucky you," Rosier said. "_Eviscero!"_

Sirius threw himself to the ground. The Entrail Expelling Curse could be blocked but Sirius knew it was better to just avoid it entirely. He also knew it was best to roll as soon as he hit the ground; a green jet of light fizzed past his ear and thudded into the ground. Sirius shivered and swept his wand in an arc. Rosier jerked and fell backward, landing on the grass.

"_Expelliarmus!_" Rosier's wand soared away, landing somewhere beyond the fence. Then Rosier himself launched at Sirius, punching and kicking, and, Sirius thought, biting. One punch hit Sirius' cheek and made his jaw rattle, and another glanced off his shoulder. "Get the hell _off_," Sirius said, shoving him back. Rosier was smaller than he was, and tumbled away, landing on Goyle.

"Oh, that must have hurt," Rosier said, patting Goyle's shoulder. "Sorry, old chap-" He slumped as Sirius' Stunner hit him square in the chest. Sirius conjured ropes around him and added a Body-Bind for good measure. He pushed off the grass and spun, looking for whoever needed help the most. Remus was managing – he'd just cause the roof tiles to slide down and bury Malfoy – and Sirius couldn't see Dumbledore or Voldemort anymore. He could see Sturgis, however, writhing under a Cruciatus Curse by the front door.

"_Depulso!_" Sirius yelled, and the masked Death Eater was blasted back into the wall. He crumpled and Sturgis's eyes met Sirius'. Sturgis nodded and hurried away to help Emmeline. Sirius, though, stood still for a moment too long and was hit by a rogue spell.

For a moment, he couldn't feel anything and wondered what the spell might have done. Then he felt sharp pain in both of his ankles, felt something shoot up his legs in sickening synchronisation and then felt his legs fold under him. Sirius hit the grass, shoulder first, wincing at the impact.

"_Avada Kedavra,_" a voice said curtly and Sirius saw bright green light blossom out of a Death Eater's wand. He threw himself out of the way, and when he was sure it had missed him, tried to get up, but his legs wouldn't hold his weight. There was another jet of light – red this time – and Sirius' wand soared away. "In a spot of bother are we, Black?"

"Mulciber," Sirius said, recognising the voice from his days at school. Mulciber had been in Regulus' year. Sirius ignored the pain in his legs and tried to shift backward; his wand was only a few yards away.

"At least you're civi-" Mulciber screeched as the grass shimmered and turned into manacles, which shot up and locked around his wrists and ankles. His wand fell to the ground by his feet in absurdly slow motion, as if an invisible hand was holding it. Sirius stared, not sure how to make sense of what he was seeing. Then a bright purple hat, covered in flashing orange letters – _I'm a Death Eater, arrest me! – _appeared on his head.

Sirius had no idea what was happening, but he wasn't going to keep watching. He dragged himself toward his fallen wand and managed to wrap his hand around it. Mulciber screamed as his new hat pulsed blue – it was a Portkey, Sirius realised – and carried him away. The manacles turned back into grass. The air shimmered and then all Sirius could see was red. Firm hands forced him down onto his back and then rolled his jeans up.

"Lily?" he croaked, wondering if he was hallucinating.

"Hi, Sirius," she said distractedly, grimacing as she surveyed his ankles. "James, this'll hurt-" James materialised beside Sirius and stuffed the invisibility cloak into his pocket. Sirius yelped. "James!"

"Hey, Pads," James said, crouching down. He flicked his wand and the grass wrapped around Sirius and turned to stone, pinning him to the ground.

"Prongs-" Sirius had so much he wanted to ask; why were James and Lily here and where was Harry? What exactly was Lily doing that was going to hurt? And why the hell was James restraining him? "-why-" Sirius cut off with a howl as Lily muttered something. He could feel the strangest pinching, stretching sensation in his leg and it was hot and uncomfortable.

Sirius groaned, his back arching – or trying to, but the stone didn't let him move at all - and James was saying something and Lily's hair flashed red in the darkness and then slowly, the pain faded. For a moment at least; then Lily turned her attention to his other leg and the pain was back.

This time, Sirius knew to expect it and was able to grit his teeth and endure. It wasn't as painful as the Cruciatus Curse, though it was far more uncomfortable. He could do this.

James vanished with the pain, to help Peter, who'd emerged from the house looking pale and been promptly attacked by a rather battered looking Malfoy. James caught Malfoy by surprise – using the same Glaciate Charm Sirius had used on Rosier to paralyse him - and Malfoy dropped. James said something to Peter, who shook his head. Lily helped Sirius up and his legs felt strange but stable. A small, glowing orb appeared between Sirius and James and Sirius recognised it at once.

He grabbed Lily and dragged her around the corner of the house. The entire house trembled – Sirius folded himself over Lily as a few tiles fell from the roof and shattered on the grass by their feet - as the spell exploded. Sirius hoped James and Peter'd got out of the way in time.

"James," Lily said, pulling away from Sirius, as if she intended to go back the way they'd come, but Sirius caught her shoulder.

"This way!" he shouted at her, and they hurried around the side of the house, through a hole in the fence and into the back garden. There were no Death Eaters there, but Remus was beside Caradoc – it had taken Sirius so long to stop calling him 'Professor' – attempting to heal a horrible wound; it looked like someone had attacked him with a sword. Lily jerked to a halt beside Sirius and then ran forward, her Healer training kicking in. "Stay with them!" Sirius shouted and Remus nodded as he shot past.

The grass around the other side of the house was singed in places and bloody in others, but the only bodies there belonged to Death Eaters; Sirius took care to kick each as he passed, though only one grunted. He leaped the side fence – somehow, it was still intact – and hurried around the front of the house, only to be blasted backward.

"Stop!" someone shouted, as phantom hands pinned Sirius to the house wall. "Moody, it's Sirius!" The hands didn't let go, but they weren't holding him quite as tightly anymore.

"What did you lose the most points for in your exam?" Mad-Eye growled.

"Not taking things seriously," Sirius gasped, "getting hurt, needing to be saved; take your pick." The hands vanished and Sirius fell to the ground. Peter hurried forward to help him up. Mad-Eye nodded at Sirius and limped past.

"Make yourself useful, Vance!" he bellowed, and Emmeline hurried after him. The front garden was clear; all the Death Eaters were gone from here too, and Order members were scattered around the garden and street. The Prewett twins were carrying Amelia toward the house and Sturgis was talking to a muggle and his dog, who'd apparently decided to go for a walk at the wrong time. Seeing the immediate danger had passed, Sirius lowered his wand and turned to Peter.

"You all right?" he asked; Peter had a nasty burn on one cheek and blood had stained his fair hair a gruesome red.

"Sore, but not as bad as James," Peter said miserably, and Sirius' heart stopped. "He got hit by that spell-"

"Where?" Sirius asked. Peter turned without a word and led him inside through a hole where the front door had once been.

Sirius had never been inside Dorcas' house before, but Peter seemed to know where he was going; Sirius followed him down the corridor and through a door that led into a large sitting room. James was lying on his stomach on a too-small couch, while Dumbledore himself waved his wand over his back. Sirius took a step forward and gagged; most of James' back was covered in cracked, red and black skin, and Sirius could even see the white of a rib.

Dumbledore looked up and shifted over without a word to make room for Sirius. Sirius joined him by the couch and started waving his wand to heal what he could, though he'd never had much experience with burns before.

"Lily's in the back garden," Sirius told Peter, without looking away from James. Sirius could feel Dumbledore's eyes on the side of his face but said nothing except the incantation for another healing charm. There was a creak as a door opened. Sirius jumped and raised his wand, but it was only Mundungus.

"Sluggy's on 'is way with something for that," he said, nodding at James.

"Thank you, Mundungus," Dumbledore murmured, and Mundungus sat down in an armchair to tend a cut on his foot.

"He shouldn't have come," Sirius said quietly. James should have been safe at home with Harry and Lily, not playing soldier, even if they had needed the numbers.

He waved his wand over James' back, feeling useless; all of the healing spells he knew dealt with gory cuts, or blood loss. He didn't know what to do to something like this, other than clean it and stop some of the bleeding. Dumbledore didn't say anything, but a tear trickled down the side of his face and vanished into his beard.

Remus swore from the doorway and Sirius turned to see him and Mad-Eye carrying Caradoc between them. Mundungus got up so they could deposit him in the armchair and Remus hurried over to join Sirius and Dumbledore.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Tom and his followers left with a 'bang'," Dumbledore replied. He conjured a massive block of ice and set it to hover about an inch above James' back. Remus' mouth set into a grim line. The Prewett twins were the next to join them. Gideon explained they'd managed to counter the curse on Amelia and left her resting in the guest bedroom upstairs, with Sturgis to watch over her. Fabian just nursed his broken nose. Mad-Eye's eye swivelled to the roof at once, and Sirius knew he was watching too.

"Move!" Peter shouted from the doorway, and the twins, Mundungus, Mad-Eye and Emmeline – who'd arrived Merlin knew when – parted to let Lily and Peter through.

Remus stood up and pulled Sirius out of the way so Lily could get to James. Dumbledore stayed with her, and so did Caradoc, who looked too tired to move, but Emmeline ushered the rest of them out. Sirius just followed the masses, and ended up in the kitchen and dining room area.

"Want a hand with that?" he asked Mundungus, who was still trying to heal his cut. Sirius also healed Fabian's broken nose with a quick, "_Episkey."_

"Tea anyone?" Emmeline asked, pulling kitchen cupboards open. "Dorcas, where do you keep tea?"

"Far left, Emmeline," Remus said, getting up to help, but Emmeline had stopped, and was counting everyone.

"Where's Dorcas?" The question hung in the air. Sirius looked to Peter, who cleared his throat.

"D-dead. She's in her bedroom." Sirius closed his eyes and put his head in his hands; he couldn't say he was surprised, because Dorcas wouldn't have left him and Remus out on the street fighting Voldemort if she'd been in any state to fight herself. It still hurt though. He'd liked Dorcas.

He heard a sigh and looked up in time to see Mad-Eye collapse into one of the chairs at the table. Gideon disappeared through the door and Fabian muttered something Sirius didn't catch and went after his brother. Remus, like Sirius, seemed to have been expecting it, but Sirius saw tears on his cheeks as he turned back to the cupboard with tea in it.

Emmeline was crying on Mundungus' shoulder, apparently not minding that she and Mundungus usually didn't get on. Mundungus was staring very hard at a crystal statue in a cabinet on the other side of the room.

Half an hour later, everyone was sitting at the table nursing their mugs. Sturgis and Amelia had come downstairs, Cardoc and Slughorn had joined them from the sitting room, and Gideon and Fabian were back too. They were talking but Sirius wasn't really listening; he was thinking. He was doing a lot of thinking, about the war, and about James and Lily and about Harry, and about what Dumbledore had said in Sirius' kitchen earlier. He'd made some rather profound decisions, and ones that would probably make him quite unpopular.

Peter's shrill laugh drew him out of his thoughts, and Sirius looked up to see a teary Gideon recounting a tale about a Death Eater raid on Hogsmeade.

"-and then Mad-Eye says for Dorcas and me to tell Ab to 'Hide them under under his bar-stools if that's what it takes!'." Sirius had missed the start of the story, so it didn't make sense to him, but there was a round of subdued, but genuine laughter from the others. Mad-Eye didn't seem to get the joke. Sirius refilled his teacup and had just taken a sip when Mad-Eye straightened, blue eye fixed on the wall.

"I think you're needed, Black." Sirius frowned, looking around, but the reason quickly became apparent when an angry female voice echoed down the corridor.

"Lily," Remus said. The two of them stood, but Peter, who had taken over comforting Emmeline, didn't; he wasn't much for confrontations.

"-sorry we didn't follow your _orders_," Sirius could hear Lily saying heatedly as he and Remus approached, "and sorry for sneaking out, but in case it's escaped your notice, sir- Sit down, James, before you hurt yourself - you _needed _us-"

"And I am grateful for the help," Dumbledore said calmly, "but there is much more at stake here than our safety. Surely you understa- Sirius, Remus."

"We heard shouting," Sirius said, glancing at Lily, who was red-faced and had her arms folded. James was awake, though his eyes were sleepy – a telltale sign of the influence of some sort of painkilling potion. He was sitting on a stool so that he wouldn't hurt his back. It was very red and covered in some sort of clear ointment, but fully healed, Sirius was relieved to see.

"Miss E- Po-"

"It's Mrs Potter," Lily said, looking formidable, and Sirius thought Dumbledore must be rattled if he'd resorted to titles, and got Lily's wrong. "And no, I _don't _understand! You needed us tonight – Sirius and Peter would be dead without James, and if it wasn't for me, Cardoc would have bled out! Mulciber's in Azkaban-"

"I am not attempting to say that you do not have your uses-"

"Uses?!" Lily shrieked. "James is one of our best duellers and I'm our main Healer!" Lily was a reasonably modest person, so Sirius thought she must be upset if she was trying to brag. Sirius was also uncomfortably aware that if things continued this way, he'd have no choice but to voice the opinions he'd reached earlier.

"I am well aware, my dear, but as I said before, there is more to this than that-"

"There's not! We wanted to help and so we came!" Lily said. "Did you really expect us to just sit at home while you went running off after Remus' Patronus?!" Remus shrank a little at Sirius side. "It's lovely that you value our safety so much, but you can't keep us out of this! You're our leader, yes, but it's not your-"

"If you wish for me to be the leader, then so be it!" Dumbledore said, finally seeming to lose patience. Sirius took a step back at the hard tone in his voice, but Lily just looked angrier. "We are at war and as you must have noticed, Lily, we are not losing, but we are no closer to winning than we were a year ago. We have hope now, in the form of your son, and in the form of Alice and Frank's and we must protect that!"

"No matter the cost?" Lily asked coldly.

"Of course not," Dumbledore sighed, and Lily seemed to deflate. Sirius let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding; Lily was scary when she was angry and Dumbledore was scarier still. "If we keep losing people, we'll have nothing to fight for. I merely mean to discourage any unnecessary risk-taking."

"We're the only ones taking risks," James said, speaking for the first time. "And it's not like this is the first time-"

"I understand that, but things are different now!" Dumbledore said. "You have a young son! You have his future to think about-"

"We didn't drag Harry along to fight!" Lily cried. "He's _safe_ with Alice, Frank, Marlene and Augusta and he's behind wards as strong as the ones at home! And Harry's future is exactly what we're fighting _for!_"

"You shouldn't have to fight at all. None of us should have to fight. If I could hide," Dumbledore said quietly, "every person in there-" His hand lifted and he pointed in the direction of the dining room. "-then I would do it in an instant. They are friends of mine, and above all, they are brave, intelligent, talented, selfless people, who do not discriminate against others for the families they were born into-" Everyone looked at Lily, who looked very small all of a sudden. "-or the lifestyles they've been forced to lead." Remus fidgeted.

"_They," _Dumbledore continued, "are the sort of people that this world should be made up of. They should be surrounded by their families, working the jobs they want to work. They should be happy and safe, not scared and fighting a war! But if those brave, talented people in there do nothing, then we will lose this war." Sirius didn't know what was worse; the words themselves, or the quiet certainty of Dumbledore's voice.

"We're a part of this too," James said quietly. "We knew what we were putting ourselves down for when we joined the Order. We've fought with you, and we've lost people too. We have as much right as you do to try to fix this mess."

"He's right," Remus said, looking at Dumbledore, and Lily nodded and stepped back to put a hand on James' shoulder. Remus went to stand with them and Sirius was left hovering by the doorway, having not yet chosen a side.

"I did not mean to belittle your role, or imply that you have no right to participate," Dumbledore said, calm once again.

"But you're still not listening," James said. "Moony said it – we should be allowed to fight. You know you need us-"

"No," Sirius said, feeling sick and like he might cry. Tears pricked his eyes, but he didn't have a choice; there were things that needed to be said, and more importantly, needed to be _heard._ "You're the one not listening, Prongs."

"Sirius," Lily said, folding her arms. Dumbledore looked sad, and Remus looked shocked. James looked betrayed, but he hadn't said anything, or stormed out. _That's got to count for something, right?_

"Dumbledore's right. You've got as much right as anyone - I'm not finished yet-" Lily shut her mouth. "-but that's _not_ what this is about anymore. This is about Harry – and I think he'd take a future of war over a future without his parents. If you'd been a yard closer to Voldemort's spell, James, Harry'd grow up never knowing his dad. And Lily's strong – stronger than most of us, but do you really think she'd be _okay_ if anything happened to you?"

"Pad-"

"I'm not finished!" Sirius took a deep breath. "I'm with Dumbledore. If I could hide every single person in there, I would, and I think deep down, most of them would _love_ to be hidden. I would." His voice broke and his cheeks were feeling suspiciously wet. "Only that can't happen." He nodded at Dumbledore. "He's right that we'd lose if we did. So we keep fighting, Prongs, but just because we can't hide everyone doesn't mean we can't hide _some_.

"Even without the prophecy hanging over Harry and Neville-" Dumbledore looked surprised that he'd mentioned it, or maybe surprised that he knew. "-we'd still hide you. Yes, we need you, yes we _want_ you there beside us when we're facing old snake face and his league of gits, and _yes,_ I _hate_ not seeing you every day, but you've got a kid now, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that he's worth protecting.

"And if some of us die because you two aren't there to save our arses, _so be it_! We're giving you the chance to hide – a chance we all want so badly but can't have! So _hide_, damn it!" James flinched. "If you keep sneaking out to play hero, you're going to get yourselves killed, and everything we're doing, everything the rest of us have sacrificed will be for nothing."

James was ashen and Lily was crying. Sirius didn't think he'd ever said so much at once before. He felt like a terrible friend – James would be furious once he got over the shock – but Sirius was going to be selfish and force them to hide. They'd be three less people he had to worry about. His vision blurred and he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"Sirius," someone said, but he just shook his head and left.


	3. Surviving

James stepped back to let Peter in, then leapt backward as Harry – cackling madly from astride a small broomstick – zoomed past. An alarm went off and echoed around the house and James sighed. Peter squeezed past James into the narrow hallway and Lily's cat appeared out of nowhere to bolt out the front door. Peter watched it warily – the cat didn't like him and he didn't like it – but it scaled the tree at the bottom of the garden and didn't look like it'd be moving any time soon.

James shut the door and gave Peter a half-hearted smile. Peter thought he looked sad, and tired, as if he hadn't been sleeping well.

"Lily's in the kitchen," he said, and then hauled himself up the stairs after Harry. The alarm quieted as soon as James touched the banister. Peter wondered if he ought to help and then shrugged. If James had wanted help, he'd have asked for it.

"Pete!" Lily said, twisting in her chair when he walked in.

"Don't get up," he told her, but she did anyway, and wrapped him in a tight hug. "How are you?" Lily, like James, looked sad – her eyes were puffy - though nowhere near as tired.

"I'm..." She hesitated. "I'm okay. How about you?"

"Fine," Peter said, shrugging. "Keeping busy, I s'pose." Something flashed over Lily's pretty face. It looked like jealousy, but then Peter shook himself. He was imagining things, surely. She smiled a moment later and Peter was positive he'd imagined whatever he thought he'd seen.

"Can I get you a cup of tea?" Peter chose a chair and sat down.

"Tea'd be nice," he said. His Dark Mark ached dully but Peter didn't pay it any attention other than to itch it. Lily put the kettle on and set a plate of biscuits down in front of him. "Trying to make me fat?" he joked.

"No," she laughed. "I'm hoping if they taste good enough, you'll never leave."

"Are you really that lonely?" Peter asked, chuckling, but her smile faltered. He knew, of course, that they weren't supposed to have visitors, but he didn't think that would have stopped Remus or Sirius.

"Bathilda visits," Lily said after a pause. "Most days, actually."

"Oh," Peter said, noticing she hadn't really answered his question. He picked up a biscuit as Lily turned away to get mugs. He noticed she only pulled out two. "Isn't James going to join us?" he asked.

"Harry'll keep him busy, I expect," she said with a sad smile.

"Oh. Okay," Peter said. "Is he all right? He seemed-"

"Off?" she suggested. "He misses everyone." Peter suspected that 'everyone' was Sirius, because if James had missed Peter, he'd be down here having tea instead of upstairs with Harry.

"Are he and Sirius still fighting?" Peter asked. He wasn't entirely sure what had happened when Sirius and Remus had gone to talk to Lily and James and Dumbledore at Dorcas', but he'd seen the result; Sirius had left, crying, and then five minutes later, the others had come out, looking pale. Dumbledore had had Moody and Sturgis escort James and Lily home, and James hadn't even argued, when usually, the idea of an escort would have infuriated him.

"Fighting?" Lily asked, setting a steaming mug down in front of him. "No, Pete, they weren't ever _fighting-_"

"James was angry, though," Peter said.

"A bit," James said, startling them both, as he walked in with Harry in his arms. Lily's hand leaped to her pocket for her wand, but Peter didn't react other than to jump; he wasn't in any danger, because regardless of who walked in – James, or a Death Eater, or even the Dark Lord himself – Peter was on their side. "Mostly at myself, though."

"Peya," Harry said, waving. Peter waved back, and couldn't quite manage a smile; Harry was a cute kid, but he was still doomed. Getting attached to a baby that wouldn't make it to two was a bad idea; Peter'd had enough trouble trying to detach himself from Lily and his three fellow Marauders – and he still hadn't quite succeeded, because they were such good bloody friends.

He'd tried to hate them, but couldn't. It should have been easy; James and Sirius were blood traitors, Remus was a half-breed and Lily was a muggleborn, but they made him laugh and they kept him safe – _they_ didn't know he wasn't in any danger. He'd tried to convince himself that he was just a tag-along, that James and Sirius only wanted him around because he was easily impressed, but he knew it wasn't true.

He'd tried to convince himself they deserved it; they'd been offered chances to join the Dark Lord, to join the winning side. They'd turned those offers down – and _Peter_ had been punished for that – so it was their own faults they were targets. Mostly he just told himself that he was still allowed to be friends with them, even if they were on different sides.

"At yourself?" Peter asked.

"Sirius... said some things," James said, running a hand through his hair. In his arms, Harry mimicked the gesture, and Peter couldn't smother his smile. "And I... we... needed to hear them." He glanced at Lily and they shared a not-quite-smile.

"So you're not fighting?" Peter asked, to clarify.

"No," James said, shifting Harry to his other arm; the little boy was trying to ruffle James' hair now, but all he succeeded in doing was knocking James' glasses off. Peter caught them and passed them back. "Thanks. He's... well, I don't know that he's _right_; that would mean we were wrong, and I don't think we were... it's just... he made a better point that we did." James ran a hand through his hair again.

"It's a lot to take in," Lily said.

"Silly!" Harry declared, reaching for her.

"No, kiddo, _Lily_," James said, passing Harry over. Lily pulled a face at him and let him tweak her nose. Peter watched with morbid fascination. They were so... normal. Harry didn't _look_ like he could defeat the Dark Lord.

"Mum," Harry said.

"That's right," Lily said, beaming. "And who's that?"

"Dada," Harry said cheerfully, waving his little fist at James. Then he looked at Peter and said, "Peya!"

"Clever boy," Lily said, smiling at James, whose smile looked less forced now.

"Silly? Mooey?" Harry asked hopefully. James' smile faded.

"Not today, mate," he said.

"Soon," Lily promised, glancing at James. "When your godfather gets over himself."

"There's nothing to get over," James muttered.

"Silly!" Harry said, trying to wriggle away from Lily. She sighed and kissed his downy hair.

"Come on, sweetheart," she said cheerfully. "I think it's time for a lie-down, don't you?" Lily continued to talk to Harry as she carried him out of the room. James sat down and claimed Lily's mug.

"So what did Sirius really do?" Peter asked, and James scowled, but there was no real force behind it.

"We're still not talking," James mumbled, running his hands through his hair again.

"You and Padfoot? Why not-"

"It's not for lack of trying!" James said, sounding frustrated. "He's not answering his mirror when I try to call him!"

"So you haven't heard anything?" Peter prompted, sipping his tea.

"We got a letter on Harry's birthday with the broom-" Peter shoved down a stab of jealousy; he'd been pleased with the toy animals he'd bought Harry for his birthday – a rat, a wolf, a stag and a dog – and then Sirius had upstaged him by buying a broom. Even if Peter'd thought of that, he wouldn't have been able to afford it. "-saying he couldn't make it, but there's been nothing since then."

"He's probably just been busy with the McKinnons," Peter said, not sure why he was trying to mediate this; it was a waste of time because things between Sirius and James tended to stay between Sirius and James. It was a weird friendship they shared, and even after ten years, Peter was no closer to understanding what went on between them.

James' face fell at the mention of the McKinnons; Patricia and Simon were dead. Dolohov, Crabbe and Crouch had finally seen to that last night. It would have happened sooner but Dumbledore'd got a tip and managed to move them the first time. Peter didn't know who Dumbledore's new informant was, but they'd been unravelling all of Peter's careful work for the past year. It was infuriating.

Malfoy was going after Marlene – the last of the McKinnons - tonight, since she hadn't been with her mother and brother when the Death Eaters arrived. James was staring very hard at the table and Peter knew he was thinking about the McKinnons too, wondering where the Order had gone wrong.

"Horrible, isn't it?" Peter asked, and James rubbed his eyes, nodding.

"Simon was only thirteen," he said quietly. Peter felt genuinely bad about that. Thirteen was young – too young to die for a family's choices. Peter thought the Dark Lord should have spared the kid, given him a chance to choose the right side. He'd even suggested that to Crouch, but Crabbe had been... overenthusiastic.

"Sirius was helping protect them though, wasn't he?" Peter pressed. "He was probably too busy-"

"Yeah, that's what he said in his letter," James said. "And I get that – I do! He wasn't about to stray far from Marlene, even if Dumbledore hadn't told him to keep an eye on her. The Order has to come first. I don't get why Padfoot can't just pick his bloody mirror up-"

"James, he'll come around," Peter sighed, before James could say anything else.

"I know," James said, pushing his glasses up. "I think he thinks I'm angry because he didn't side with me."

"Probably," Peter agreed.

"Urgh! That git!" James growled. "If Dumbledore hadn't taken the cloak I'd have gone to beat some sense into him with Harry's broomstick!"

"Dumbledore took the cloak?" Peter asked, stunned.

"What?" James asked, looking up. "Oh, yeah." He flushed.

"How? Why?"

"Dumbledore had Benjy patrolling the house that night everyone was fighting at Dorcas' because he thought we might try to leave, so Lils and I used it to get past him. Then Benjy was all miserable about it – couldn't believe he'd let us slip right past him-"

"You admitted to it, didn't you," Peter groaned.

"Benjy was really upset," James said weakly. "But yeah, I did, and then Dumbledore asked to see it, and he's still got it."

"When are you getting it back?" Peter asked.

"Never," James said, scratching varnish off the tabletop. "I reckon Dumbles'll hold onto it for a while." He sighed. "Safer that way." Peter nodded and stored the information away for later.

"Is Sirius with Marlene tonight?" Peter asked. "Do you know?"

"Obviously not because I haven't been talking to him," James snapped.

"Oops. Right, sorry," Peter said. He'd assume until he heard otherwise, that Sirius _was_ with Marlene. If that was the case, they'd both be dead soon – if they weren't already dead now- Peter felt something sweep over him, and wasn't about to risk James smelling an emotion he shouldn't. "'Scuse me," he gasped, standing up before James could say anything else. He walked quickly, but very deliberately did not run, to the bathroom and shut himself in.

He stared at his face in the mirror above the sink, watching for any signs of weakness, but he couldn't find any. He looked nervous, but composed. He was pleased by that; he was getting better at it. His Dark Mark tingled again and he rubbed it.

"Wormy?" James called, knocking on the door. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated, and-" James cut off, apparently concerned that Peter hadn't said anything to allay his fears yet; usually he would have interrupted by now. "Pete, are you-"

"I'm j-just feeling sick, J-James," he lied, before James could worry and break down the door in a bout of well-meaning concern. "It'll pass."

"Do you want me to get Lils?" James asked.

"No!" Peter said. "No, this happens all the time... Overworking, I t-think." He heard James sit down outside the door, obviously intending to wait in case Peter needed him. "Go away, Prongs. I just need a m-moment." There was a quiet sigh and then James' footsteps retreated. Peter took a few deep breaths and sat down on the closed toilet lid.

Then he started to sort through his feelings, because there was no way he was about to go back out there until he had everything back under control again. In that regard, James was harder to fool than the Dark Lord. At first Peter wondered if he was feeling sad for Sirius, who was probably dead or about to be.

_No, _he thought slowly. _It's not that_. He'd miss Sirius, but really, Sirius had been dead for a long time. Sirius had died as soon as he'd had to pick a side and chosen Dumbledore's. Peter'd had a long time to get used to the idea. He felt regret, yes, but not sadness.

He wondered if he was feeling guilty, but quickly realised that wasn't it either. They'd had just as many chances to swap sides as he had, but they hadn't. It was strange because Peter was considered the stupid one, but he thought he'd made the smartest decision. He also thought he'd made the bravest one. Oh, there was a certain reckless courage in being willing to die for their beliefs, but Peter didn't think it was nearly as brave as making a choice that was the opposite of what everyone expected.

James was the son of Charlus Potter, Head Auror and legend of the D.M.L.E. Sirius was the rebellious son of a pureblood family. Remus was a werewolf determined to prove he wasn't a monster. Lily was a muggleborn who wanted to prove she belonged in the magical world. Of course they'd picked Dumbledore's side. And everyone had expected Peter to do the same.

He was an only child, born from a long line of wizarding stock – he didn't have a family tree as respectable as Sirius or James, but there hadn't been a muggle in his family for nearly a two hundred years. He'd been Sorted into Gryffindor, where he'd befriended blood-traitors and muggleborns and half-breeds. And he'd chosen to be different. He'd chosen that despite the fact that all hell would break loose if anyone found out.

His friends were wonderful, but he hadn't been about to let them drag him down with them. It wasn't personal at all. It was merely a matter of survival, and that wasn't anything to feel guilty about.

Peter's Dark Mark tingled again, and he wondered if that was because Marlene and Sirius were dead now.

Relief. That's what he was feeling. It was a very good thing he'd come to the bathroom; if James had smelled that, it would have led to all sorts of unpleasant questions.

_Relief? Really_? Peter didn't like to think he was a cold-hearted person. He wasn't like Bella or Evan. Those two were like bloody sharks, getting excited at the first sign of blood. Peter wasn't like that. Peter couldn't even get any of the Unforgivables to work for him. But it was definitely relief he was feeling, and it seemed a strange thing for him to feel when he was thinking about his friend's death. It took him a moment to realise why; with Sirius gone, there'd be one less person that Peter had to fool every day.

And Sirius would be safe when he was dead. No one could hurt him again, and there were so many others already dead, or who would soon join him, so he'd never be lonely. Sirius had made the wrong choices in this life, but that wouldn't matter when he was dead. He'd be free. Peter wanted that much for his old friend.

Peter smothered a yelp as pain tore through his forearm. He yanked back his sleeve and removed the charm. The Mark wasn't pretty; even if Peter hadn't had to hide it from all of his friends, he would have kept the spell on it anyway. To the other Death Eaters, the Mark was a thing of beauty, something to be proud of.

To Peter, it was a reminder that the skull – death - was what had awaited him if he hadn't joined the Dark Lord's ranks. It was also a reminder that he'd caused deaths. He'd never killed anyone personally, but he'd been passing information to the Dark Lord for years, and that information had killed people. He knew that. He knew other people had died so that he could stay useful. And by staying useful, he survived.

That's all it came down to, really. His survival. It was nothing personal. He didn't do it because he enjoyed it, or because he passionately believed it was the right thing. No, Peter knew. He'd done some bad things in the last few years, things that he should probably regret a lot more than he did.

Peter didn't regret much at all; he was in a war, and he needed to survive. That's all there was to it.

"Pete?" Lily's soft voice said. "Can I get you anything?" He couldn't exactly ask her for help with his Dark Mark – it had started to ache – so he shook his head. Then he realised she couldn't see him.

"No," he said. "No, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." He redid the spells on his arm, flushed the toilet – he'd tell them he'd been ill – and opened the door. Lily pounced on him in the hallway, and pressed a small, cold hand to his head.

"You don't feel hot," she said, looking troubled.

"It's fine," he said, gently removing her hand. "Like I said, it happens all the time." Lily frowned and ushered him into the kitchen, where James was waiting, looking sheepish.

"Are you dizzy?" she asked, as he sat down. "Do you feel physically ill, or is it more like a panic attack?"

"Lils," James said, holding up a hand, and she fell silent. Then she stepped away for a moment and put a loaded plate down in front of Peter. "I really didn't mean to snap before, Wormtail," James said, looking horrendously guilty. "I just-"

"It wasn't that," Peter assured him, and just like that, James looked a bit happier, but still troubled.

"I still shouldn't have-"

"Prongs, it's _fine_." Lily set a plate down in front of James and then joined them at the table herself. "Looks good, Lils," Peter added, and it did. If he'd been home tonight, it would have been a sandwich or cereal for him; anything else surpassed Peter's cooking ability. As a result, he ate at his mother's house most nights. Lily beamed at the compliment however, and the three of them sat in silence while they ate.

Peter's Dark Mark grew increasingly painful as the meal went on, and he noticed Lily and James exchanging glances across from him. James cleared the table when they were done, and Lily led Peter into the sitting room and deposited him on the couch.

"You still look pale," she said, perching on the arm of the chair. It occurred to Peter that she seemed to be expecting some sort of breakdown or violent bout of illness. There was a crash from the kitchen and the sound of a chair being kicked. Lily glanced at the doorway and then at Peter. She clasped his shoulder and then stood and disappeared into the adjacent room again.

"Sorry," Peter heard James say. Peter heard him repair the plate and there was a quiet thud – probably the chair being righted – and then silence.

"It'll sort itself out," Lily murmured after several minutes. "If it doesn't, I'll write him a letter. I need to thank him for Harry's birthday present anyway."

"Stupid git," James muttered, though Peter knew he didn't mean it; James sounded too miserable to mean it. "Is Pete all right?" Peter's ears twitched.

"He doesn't seem _sick_," Lily said, sounding concerned. "He doesn't have a temperature, and he managed dinner, so he's obviously not feeling nauseous." Peter winced, wondering if his carelessness would get him into trouble this time.

"-mental?" James asked, and Peter bristled. He was _not_ mental.

"Maybe," Lily said, and Peter frowned; Lily was usually kinder than that. "He does seem down, so it would make more sense for it to be something in his head."

"Something emotional," James murmured.

"Mmm."

"-McKinnons?" James asked, and though Peter'd strained his ears, that was still the only word he'd heard.

"Of course," Lily said softly. Then there was a very distinct sniffing sound. "Oh, J-James, you don't think he was _there_ when they were f-found, do y-you?" Peter didn't hear James' response. "It's so horrible," Lily said. Her voice sounded muffled. "And now it's just Marlene left-" James murmured something Peter couldn't hear yet again.

_Damn it, Prongs, talk louder, _he thought. Peter didn't hear anything either of them said after that, however. In fact, the only thing he heard was the cat mewling at the front door. He sighed and got up to let it in. It shot past him and up the stairs.

Peter heard Harry gurgle a hello, and then, before he really knew what he was doing, he'd climbed the stairs and pushed open the door of Harry's room.

Harry chirped a greeting of some sort – and something about 'Peya' – and Peter felt silly for being caught by the little boy. Still, if he left now, Harry would probably cry. Peter inched closer to the crib, and Harry rolled over and stood on shaky legs to watch him. He was silent – Harry hadn't been silent since he'd learned to talk. It suddenly occurred to Peter that this was the first time he'd ever been alone with the kid.

"You should be s-sleeping," Peter told him, suddenly nervous. Harry stared back with enormous green eyes. They seemed too bright, too colourful on the face of a toddler. And, strangely, just like Dumbledore's, they seemed to see right through Peter.

Peter knew that was ridiculous – even if Harry could read his mind, he'd have no idea how to make sense of everything – but he took an uneasy step away. Harry's little face crumpled, and Peter hurried forward again, not wanting him to cry. Harry's face brightened at once and Peter sighed, realising he was stuck here until James or Lily came to rescue him, or Harry decided to let him leave. Peter reached for a chair, figuring he might as well be comfortable if he was in here, but Harry squeaked.

He was just as demanding as the Dark Lord in his own, strange, infantile way. Peter didn't like that. He straightened nonetheless, and left the chair where it was. A quiet thud caught Peter's attention. Tufty the cat was perched on a shelf, tail thudding as it flicked into the wall, watching them both with that superior look that all cats seemed able to do.

"Shoo," Peter told it. The cat gave him a flat look, its eyes just as penetrating as Harry's in their own way. Peter didn't know where to look, but attention was fixed on him from two directions.

Eventually, Harry sat down and yawned, blinking up at Peter with sleepy eyes. He gibbered something and Peter, confused, moved closer to the crib again. Tufty's tail flicking increased. It was like a heartbeat now, breaking the dead silence. Peter backed off but Harry made a noise.

Peter didn't think he'd been so stressed in a long time, and it was all because of a cat and a baby. Trying to ignore the cat, he approached the crib. Harry looked so small, sitting there, staring up at him. So small and so fragile. Harry lay down and his kicked his feet.

A shadow flickered across the wall, and Peter squeaked but it was only a light wind blowing on the tree outside. His heart was racing in time with the cat's tail flicking and Harry was staring at him and the cat was staring at him and his arm was _burning_-

"Peya," Harry said, and Peter yelped. Harry waved a little hand. Tufty's tail flicked. Peter spotted a blanket – white, covered in little snitches – and reached out with a shaking hand to pull it over him. The cat's tail kept on flicking, and it was deafening, but at least Harry was quiet now; he'd snuggled under and his eyes were shut – that calmed Peter considerably.

Everything was silent again, except for Peter's ragged breathing. He didn't know why this was so terrifying. _He _wasn't the Dark Lord, and the prophecy could well be talking about Neville, not Harry. Peter took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down.

Harry shifted and reached up with a little hand to scratch his forehead. Peter reached out and his fingers brushed the back of Harry's soft head when something slithered around his ankles and Peter leaped away with a muffled cry. Tufty stared up at Peter, eyes sharp and jumped over the side of the crib. Then, he settled himself at Harry's side – Harry shifted closer to his furry pillow – and Peter couldn't help but notice that the cat had situated himself between them.

Then that stupid tail started to flick again, drumming against the bars of the crib. Peter flinched each time and backed out of the room as quietly as he could. He could still hear the tail on the landing, so he pulled the door shut and turned around- and shrieked when he collided with James.

"Lily, he's here!" James called, as Peter clutched his chest, gasping. "What the hell happened to you?"

"The- that cat," Peter panted, and James laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, but his mirth was replaced by curiosity a second later.

"Were you in there with Harry?" James asked.

"M-maybe," Peter said, trying to look sheepish. "He called out when you two were in the k-kitchen, so I thought I'd..." Peter ran out of things to lie about, but James didn't seem to mind. In fact, James was grinning broadly. Peter thought that was probably because he hadn't ever wanted much to do with Harry before – he'd only held him a handful of times, and left any 'uncle' duties to Sirius and Remus, who were smitten by James' son.

"Peya?" Harry called from through the closed door, and Peter just about jumped out of his skin.

"Do you want to get him?" James asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Er... well... I suppose I-"

"Breathe, Pete," James laughed, clapping him on the shoulder again. "Merlin, he's a baby, not a Death Eater." Peter laughed shakily and James slipped into Harry's bedroom with a cheerful, "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping, you little monster?"

Peter staggered downstairs, and through the doorway that led into the sitting room. He had every intention of collapsing onto the couch and going to sleep. Only when he stepped into the sitting room, he was intercepted by Lily, who pressed a warm mug in his hand. Her eyes were red but she was making a valiant effort to smile, and so Peter smiled back and followed her into the kitchen.

"What was all that carrying on up there?" she asked.

"Your bloody cat," Peter replied. _Flick, flick, flick._ He shuddered and Lily laughed.

"He's harmless, really," Lily said. "Besides, you're bigger than he is when you're Peter." Peter managed another shaky laugh and gulped down a mouthful of hot tea. "Can I get you anything else?"

"No, I'm all right," he said, content to just sit. Sadly, though, it was not to be. Dumbledore himself Flooed in not five minutes later.

"James," the Headmaster said, looking past both Peter and Lily as if they weren't there. "Where's James?"

"H-he's upstairs. With Harry," Lily said, looking frightened. "Sir-" Dumbledore hurried past them. Peter knew this must be something to do with Marlene and Sirius. He and Lily shared a look and ran after Dumbledore.

"-I've got to- sir, _please,_" Peter heard James saying desperately.

"That's why I'm here," Dumbledore replied. "Stay the night, and I'll send someone over in the morning."

"Thank you," James croaked. He sounded anything but grateful, however. He sounded broken and scared. "_Thank you_." And then James rushed out of Harry's room, almost bowling both Lily and Peter over in the process.

"James?" Lily whispered, but he was already out the front door. Dumbledore'd appeared on the landing, cradling a crying Harry. It was the first time Peter'd ever seen him cry. "Professor, it's Sirius, isn't it?" Lily asked in a choked voice. "That's the only reason James-"

"Marlene is missing, and assumed dead," Dumbledore said gravely. Lily staggered as if she'd been hit and then burst into tears. Harry, seeing his mother's distress, cried louder, and Dumbledore bounced him gently.

"Silly?" he said when he'd settled and Dumbledore looked so stunned he almost dropped the boy. Chills raced up Peter's spine. Harry didn't understand, of course, but it was uncanny timing.

"And Sirius?" Lily whispered.

"Sirius is alive, but I cannot tell you anything more about him than that." Peter felt a stab of disappointment, but also a small stab of relief. He didn't know which perturbed him more. "Alastor tells me he was not in a good way."

"If she's only missing, though-" Lily began.

"There are signs of a fight at her family home, where she has been staying. Spell marks, destroyed furniture, a broken window..." Dumbledore sighed. "We've sent people to places she might have sought refuge – her parents' old house, her brother's house, and, of course Sirius' flat, but we have nothing yet."

"Where was Sirius?" Peter asked. Harry was listening intently.

"Sirius was on a raid with Alastor at the time. It is fortunate, else we might have lost him too, but it more unfortunate, I think; had he been there, Marlene might have survived, and it also meant that he was in a position to hear the report as soon as the D.M.L.E. received it. I wish we might have spared him from that. He was one of the first to the house and also the first to leave." Dumbledore bowed his head, and Harry hiccoughed and reached for his spectacles. "He will not be receptive to any company but James', I don't think."

"So it's safe for James to leave now?" Lily asked, with a hint of challenge in her voice.

"No," Dumbledore said. "But we are at risk of losing more if James does not go." Lily started to cry again, and reached for Harry. Dumbledore passed the boy right over and Harry babbled a question and touched Lily's wet cheek. Lily clutched him like a lifeline.

"Silly. Mum," he said, with a strangely troubled look, as he clumsily patted Lily's hair. Lily seemed to be trying to compose herself for her son's sake, but it wasn't working. Peter shuffled over to put an arm around her, and exchanged a grim look with Dumbledore over the top of her head. "Dad? Mooey? Peya," Harry sniffled, looked at Peter as if expecting answers.

Peter had them – more answers than anyone else here, actually – but couldn't give them. He just shook his head at Harry.

_It's nothing personal_, Peter wanted to say. _It's just survival._

Dumbledore was crying quietly, and Lily was clutching her son, sobbing onto Peter's shoulder. "I am so _sick_ of this," Lily whispered, wiping her eyes.

Peter said nothing, and all the while, a pair of bright green eyes bored into the side of his face as if to say all of this was his fault. Peter knew that.

And he would live with that.


End file.
